Being Single (a married woman’s perspective) Part 2

My advice to single ladies part 2

Advice #2. Work on your confidence & health, (real talk) helping your appearance isn’t a bad thing…

Most of the posts I’ve read from these christian singles deal a lot with self-worth and self confidence. I certainly have my fair share of body issues, we all do. But (ok, here’s where the lynching mob comes) I can truthfully say, that if I was single…there’s no way I wouldn’t be working on getting my body to it’s best possible shape, (I’m currently working on that now, anyways). For starters, if you do get married, you want to look good. And there’s just no going around how visual, humans are, call it superficial if you will but, 10 years ago (many pounds ago for both of us) I don’t know that the initial attraction would have been there if my hubs or myself was 50 lbs heavier. That first “impression” if you will. Attraction is a big deal. It just is. Don’t you want to present yourself in the best way possible? I know we all have things we can’t change (save for plastic surgery) but losing weight is attainable for most people…and I’m sure plenty of woman can testify that being active, eating clean and yes, losing weight does wonders for your confidence. And confidence, is extremely sexy. And (real moment) you are going to have sex with this person…so therefore if there is something you can do to make a larger group of people find you physically attractive…is that a bad thing? ok moving on.

Advice #3. Every battle is unique, single or married

It goes back to the whole, be careful what you wish for… I would rather be unmarried than in a forced relationship, one where you don’t really jive and it’s just harder than it needs to be. Marriage is hard, being single is hard, being a mother is hard, difficulty getting pregnant..it’s hard too and the path I’m walking now. We each walk through different struggles and different battles, so please don’t “hate” on those whom you feel are living the life you deserve.

Also, semi related side note, I don’t believe there only one soulmate for every person, I really don’t. I think that we are each on a journey, the decisions we make and paths we take, shape who we are as people. I think that on every fork in the road, there are people that would be perfect for you, but fast forward a year or 2, that may not be the case, in cases of purity, that can be especially true. That sounds like a case for divorce I see, but here’s where it changes. As a single, one other person’s feelings aren’t our top priority, it’s just Us and God. Once you are married, well, you have to care what they think! I think I am a different person (personality and all) because I am married. I also think I would be a different person and be in a different place, had I married someone else. When I first met my now, husband, he wasn’t saved. If he had remained stubborn and didn’t accept Christ, there’s no way we would be married now. So as seasons weather and change you, you grow, but when you value the other person as equal, nay, above yourself, well, you grow towards them…if that makes sense? I think this ties into the whole every battle is unique because well, maybe the person you think you want to marry isn’t ultimately who you will. Maybe a few more life decisions have to present themselves before you are at that place. Maybe, there is someone who would be perfect for you but something has to change before the physical attraction is there. Or maybe these two points have not as much to do with each other as they do in my head!

So there is my sisterly “straight talk” I’d tell my sister if she were wanting to get married.

Peace

Being Single (a married woman’s perspective) Part 1

This will probably go on record for the thing I’ve posted on that I have the least “right” to talk about. But I’ve read a few posts lately from “frustrated single woman, some I know, and some I don’t. And some of the points they raise seem a little odd… like “I don’t lack something. I don’t need to fix something in order to be worthy of a relationship.”

She was saying that in response to her previous thought pattern of “what’s wrong with me.” I may raise a point that (disclaimer: I don’t know her at all) if you gripe in real life about being single the way you seem to be bitter on your blog…that could be something worth fixing? Another single gal acquaintance of mine, had a mentality of wanting to get married, yet she was hostile when single guys didn’t want to be her friend and hang out all the time…Shocking? not really. If they don’t want to pursue you then, it’s really to risky to try to be “just friends” And from talking to the single guy friends I have…well they aren’t fans, it’s more than a little unattractive, the whole, woe is me…

Advice #1. Don’t be a negative Nancy

In marriage counseling I was told, that if you would describe yours spouse as a negative person, you need to seriously reconsider if you want to marry them. Strong words, but they rang true, and I’ve never forgotten them. When my husband calls me out on being negative it snaps me out of a funk most times. The last thing I want to be (whether portrayed or actually be) is negative. We have been given the greatest gift ever to be given, Jesus’ blood covers everything, so for us to actually be described as a negative person or have a negative demeanor… Not a good thing friends.

Negativity is insulting to our Lord and Savior and is unattractive. We’ve recently had two single women in our church move away. No huge explanation or to-do. both just announced they were moving, and left, each a few months apart. One of the problems is that they felt they didn’t have any connections or many friendships (or maybe it was lack of eligible bachelors, who knows.) But if it truly was about the lack of friendships, well. they could have called me? Both worked incredibly strange schedules and it was nearly impossible to know when/if they are free. Not to say I couldn’t have tried harder, I could have. But they never initiated anything…I dunno, I consider myself a very social person, but I’ve accepted that 7-8 times out of 10. I’ll be the one initiating, people are busy and if I want to hang out with someone (or anyone) I make it happen.

I know it can be challenging to step out of your comfort zone and initiate. But I just can’t have that much sympathy for people who continually whine about people not doing the very thing they themselves refuse to do. It was like the first thing we learned as kids “want a friend, be a friend.”

This post is getting a little long, I’m going to break it up. so ya. don’t be negative. Everything (singleness and all) is small potatoes compared to knowing God, it just it. If that isn’t enough to put in perspective well…God help us all. I have some practical tips coming too!

What people hate about the Bible

One of the great things about facebook is seeing friends that go to other churches post on various sermons and what not that you wouldn’t normally see. So a facebook rabbit hole later, I came across this video, part four of a sermon series that I think a lot of us can really relate to. “What People hate about the Bible”

so ya, watch it. I’ve only seen this one, I can assume parts 1-3 are pretty amazing too.

 

oh ya…so I haven’t posted in 4 months. oops. Life happens y’all. Life happens.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Why Christians care about gay Marriage

Or I guess the title could be why I, as a Christian, think other Christians care about gay marriage (still working on this what gives you the right to speak for Christians) From what I gather there are 3 schools of thought, some take a stand probably as a combination of these, possibly less “strongly” active in some or more areas.

1. God established marriage, so thus changing it into something which he didn’t establish as right (one man, one woman) is disrespectful to him and therefore should be opposed

2. The Bible preaches against Homosexuality and therefore Gay marriage (gay anything really) shouldn’t be allowed. Just stop doing what you are doing and become straight

3. Homosexual sex is a sin (along with fornication, adultery, lying etc.) once people establish themselves in that pattern of living, and make that their identity, they then, have either don’t think of it as sin (or just don’t care that) The “who I am offends you?!” gives them a distaste for Christianity and makes sharing the good news seem impossible. Even more so breaching the gulf and becoming a Christian.

Any guesses as to what school of thought I’m in? Yep the 3rd one (hence the long definition.) It’s a harder jump for anyone identifying as gay to recieve the gospel as whole when it condemns what and who they are and who they want to be. Either they reject the gospel as whole, or find a church that has translationized Homosexual sin to not be a sin (which I don’t agree with.) Here’s the issue, it’s all about identity don’t you see? It’s about receiving your identity in Christ and making that who you are. (Before you condemn me for being a hetrosexual married female preaching and not practicing, hear me out.) There are many “identities” I wear. Woman, creative, dog-lover, outdoorsy, frugal. I am many things but I am a follower of Christ first. If something I identified and labeled myself as, became a hinderance in obediance to God, I would cut it out. It’s not worth it.

Ok so my thoughts on the other 2 schools

1. Basically, marriage as it stands today isn’t really about God anymore. It’s become about tax breaks, descision making in times of trial or death and public commitment and/or a party. None of those things are bad, but back in the garden of Eden when God started marriage none of those things had any bearings, it was about unity. Plain and simple. So as long as Christian ministers and pastors aren’t being forced to perform marriage ceremonies for anyone with whom they don’t agree with. Then I don’t care who marries who. I don’t think God is more saddened by Gay marriage than he is by Kim Kardashian’s short (seemingly) sham of a marriage and her obvious fornicating ways.

2. I agree that Homosexual sex is a sin, however, I think that trying to stop gay marriage from being passed and trying to “scare straight” anyone who is gay is well, pointless. It’s a symptom of a greater problem. That greater problem is sin in this world as a result of us falling away from God’ plan for our lives. the symptoms are all over the place. in the media, in our broken relationships, everywhere. Focusing on this flambouyant sin in particular and seeming to ignore all others is like this

Matthew 7:2-4  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

We need to work on our own sins, all the while loving our neighbor, speaking the truth in love and really try to be a light to this world. All the heated debates against gay marriage make that difficult. It’s hard to put into concise words sometimes as well. It’s presented like, Either you love us/support us/ believe in everything we do/ have no qualms or problems whatsoever or you hate us and want us to die or be exiled. um what? Do I get a third option? Can’t I love you and pray that you find your identity in Christ and he show’s you his plan for life, shows you what this whole struggle with your sexuality is all about while disagreeing with you that being gay is a-ok and right? Can’t I say that God isn’t smiling down on it but loving you despite it?

ok </ rant>

Sexual by design: my thoughts

As per my last post hopefully you have watched the videos, I know it’s time consuming but well, this post just won’t make as much sense otherwise. Link to 3 videos HERE.

If you don’t have time to watch, he gave a short summery of the lectures on his site.

“I gave two talks, the first on creation sexuality and the second on redemption sexuality. The first was about what I call pomosexuality — if you believe the universe is infinitely malleable, then a demand for malleable sexualities is inevitable. If you believe that the God of creation established fixed limits, then we should rejoice and serve Him (sexually) within those limits. The second talk, on redemption sexuality, was about Mary Magdalene, and was about how God the Father arranged for His divine Son to marry a prostitute.”

The Q&A is hard to summarize because well, it’s all over the place in terms of questions, Several things stuck out to me while watching the videos

  1. I hadn’t heard the comparison of one’s belief in evolution (infinitely malleable) tie in to sexuality, but it makes sense
  2. Male and female together make the image of God, tying in man and woman unity together with the trinity unity
  3. The flu analogy, genius. So true, why try to get non-Christians to behave like christians without the basis for doing so? Heathens that act like christians are still going to hell…

    Ephesians 2:8-9  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 

  4. I couldn’t imagine putting myself out there and keeping my cool amidst blatant disrespect and slander, I had to pause a few times, it was just sooo uncomfotable to watch
  5. The rude cat-calling, heckling and interrupting was childish. They are at a university after all, most of the people asking questions disagreed with Doug anyways, is respectful debate completely gone? Must we resort to crude language to get points across? It was amazingly aggravating. Oh, I think “police brutality” should be reserved for legitimate case, escorting someone out of the building who is resisting, isn’t brutality IMO.
  6. Kudos to Doug for separating love, feelings and sex. They aren’t the same thing

Overall I thought that he really did try to talk through God’s view on sex and us. I loved the analagy of The church being the bride of Christ was a dispeptuable woman, only made pure. Not this perfect pure person to begin with which was why he chose her. Which also makes me think of this video which a fellow blogger recently reminded me of

That’s the point, we’re all sinners. Once we are saved we really need to recognize God’ overall plan and that is when we start making changes! Anyways I’m sure there is more thoughts I’ll think up, I plan to have addendums to this rant later on, takes a little while to process ya know?

Why Uncomfortable Christian?

“I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”

—–C.S. Lewis

Isn’t that quote great? And so true. So why is my name “Uncomfortable Christian”? I want to clarify a few things, I’m not “uncomfortable” around homosexuals in some sort of homophobic way, I’m not “uncomfortable” around people who have had abortions in a judgmental hateful way, I’m not “uncomfortable” around liberals because of their heathen ways (kidding, not all are heathens.) What I am uncomfortable around, is the blatant double standards, the huge angry confrontations, hypocrisy, people blame shifting and completely missing the point. People saying they want diversity but not extending that to Christians, wanting free speech but cutting out the Bible. And that feeling like you can’t talk about it without being labeled as hateful.

When did me disagreeing with you turn into hate?

Ah, uncomfortable subjects…but what are we missing?

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is a foundational principle af Christianity, probably the one set of verses almost the whole world can agree on. And yet it gets lost. Love gets lost in disagreements, people trying to “prove” or be “right” disagreements are read as Hate, Actual people get so outraged by certain sin they are hateful. What could possibly be further from the truth of What God said and the example Jesus set for us?

1 John 4:20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

Jesus goes even further to state in Matthew 5, comparing anger (and hatred) with murder. Christians being equated with hate, hurts me down to my core. I saw a bumper sticker ont he way to work toady that said “Hate is not afmily value.” It’s targeted against us a s Christians and that saddens me. The fact the the modern Christian church has ever portrayed anything but love saddens me. Because what it all comes down to is this: Have they accepted the love of  God and forgiveness of Jesus for their sins, have they repented, & confessed? Because it’s a yes or no answer. I do believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven and the only way to have real meaning here on earth. Debates on “inexcusable” sins or lifestyle choices really, are in one sense irrelevant. The atheist Gay man is not going to Hell “faster” than the atheist straight one. The woman who had an abortion (and proud of it, gosh darn it) is not on God’s blacklist anymore than I am for lying/coveting/stealing or disrespecting my parents.

James 2:10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

Perspective people, perspective. I had toyed with the idea of starting a blog like this on and off for awhile, but It wasn’t until I finally sat down and watched this series of 3 videos HERE. That I couldn’t get it out of my head, so this blog was born the next day. I really encourage you to watch them. I think Doug Wilson is a great speaker, makes some excellent points(whether or not you agree with them.) The first 2 videos are part 1 & part 2 of a lecture he did in a auditorium at Indiana University. The 3rd video (2 hours long!) is a Q&A session. Note: lots of interruption/heckling/cussing etc.

Next post will be my review on the series

Abortion & Vegetarianism

In light of the recent filibuster on Abortion. (Anyone else think it’s odd that the DOMA and Filibuster hit so close together?) I thought I’d share some thoughts I had. I am, have always been and always will be against abortion.

Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,

I get that woman have fought long and hard for rights and as a women I do support that we should be equal. But I don’t agree with women’s right’s eradicating any right infants have. And I definitely don’t agree with their twisted close-my-ears-la-la-la approach of “It’s not a baby” I mean really? really world that so proudly calls themselves scienticifally advanced? There have been extensive studies done on what infants can feel (more info on that here) they are so developed, with all the new technology they can survive earlier and eariler out of the womb and on a basic level they look like babies!

So what does that have to do with vegetarianism? The thought came to me while watching this video

(make sure english CC is turned on)

So the little boy doesn’t want to eat octopus because (aw moment) we are here to take care for them, not kill them for food. Now I’m not a vegetarian, but that simple saying definitely pulled at my heart strings. As an adult I do recognize the uncomfortable truth of eating meat, that defenseless animals are no longer alive because I like eating meat more than I like going without. It’s not a necessity,  I don’t live somewhere where I’d die without it. The options of food are basically endless. I just want to eat bacon and so I do.

That’s why I find the arguments of “It’s not a murder, it’s a fetus, not a baby” so obtuse. It would be like me (as a meat eater) saying, It’s not a pig, it’s bacon. And when you hear stories of girls asking where the baby is at developmentally and being lied to?!  About will happen during an abortion? At best it’s misinformation about a fairly large and serious medical procedure and worst it’s unduly influencing a woman who, could potentially be the most vulnerable she has ever been, to get a procedure when the Truth would change everything.

This point of view is interesting and honest, really pulling in the human rights (which DOMA is all over.) Abortion is infanticide (and not just after 6 months, stop splitting hairs) I read an article, which I can’t find now (figures) in which the author had an abortion and basically said. I believe life starts at conception, but that doesn’t matter. It is killing a baby but the life of the mother counts more. They are both lives but not equal. Her honest and different approach was shocking and saddening. (Another article here.) Now, I agree we live in a imperfect world and the wish that everyone would either
A.) Be in a 2 parent household

B.) A stable single parent

C.) Adopt out their baby

is not going to happen, we are selfish sinners and people don’t want to do it. Maybe that will shift as demand increases? Adults are waiting longer and longer to start families, the need for adoption will just continue to rise.

So where does this leave us? Honestly, Prayer. Lots of it. and being the best support system you can be to family and friends alike. I have a teenage sibling who, were they to find themselves in a pregnancy situation, I would hope they would talk to me about it. Heck I’d even adopt their child, if that was what they wanted. I think that the church should be a huge support system to people going through this struggle. And I hope that if each and every person getting a abortion was simply well educated on what is happening (yes, they will feel pain, yes it is a life you are destroying, you have other options but are choosing not to use them) then it would greatly shift the scales, and I hope and pray more women would choose the harder path of carrying to term and adopting instead of abortion. As woman we were created to be mothers, we have that honor of carrying children, men and woman can be equal in every way but they will never be identical. God’s intent was for parents to stay together. So yes, it’s not ideal that in sex the woman has to be more careful or potentially end up with loads of responsibility. But sex and responsibility should go hand in hand. It’s a major decision and for all of our best efforts to separate them, it’s how it is.

I’ll leave you with this thought. It is not unheard of for character’s to have abortions on TV shows or Movies and people praise them for that. ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ is a a prime example, they show all sorts of medical procedures, some quite graphic. So why not show an abortion since it’s just a “mass of tissue.” I challenge you pro-choicer’s, show a realistic depiction of abortion on TV for one of your “empowered” women, on a “liberal” network.

Your ‘about me’ is vague, why so anonymous?

As of right now, I plan on sharing as little about myself as possible. I really need to feel that anonymity in order to feel like I can say whatever I want about these subjects without fear of repercussion. I attended a state university, which across the board seem to be pretty democratic and liberal as it is (oh ya, I’m conservative, politically speaking, too) pare down to a design/art school which I attended. Creative degrees are even more liberal & democratic as a general rule. But I made it. I graduated and (as far as I know) not that many people hated me. Upon graduation, I find myself in the industry. which is (surprise, surprise) super liberal & democratic. Also in this creative field (and many others I’m sure) the lines between professional and personal get awfully blurry. Now my fellow alum, other connections, friends of friends, professors, past and present co-workers and employers. All these people in this creative industry who are (in general) super liberal & democratic.

See where I’m coming from? I feel trapped in my social media: Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest even. I feel scrutinized and under the light, like I can’t say what I want. And in this community where I’m trying to make a living, is a community where people can, do and have been blacklisted, everything is about who you know and how much they like you.

I have no proof of this and yes, maybe it’s reaching but I was let go at a job. I was there for under a year, and the reason I was “let go” was financial. I was blessed and got a job immediately (literally started the monday after my last day of friday, Praise Jesus.) And it wasn’t until a few months later that I questioned the validity of it. Because a few months later, my boss hired someone else. Someone Democratic and liberal. You can’t say he didn’t know because my boss (being the outspoken small biz owner he is) literally asked me in my interview three laughable inappropriate questions. 1. My Political stance, 2. My religious beliefs and 3. “I see you’re married, you aren’t going to get pregnant soon are you?” 1. Republican 2. Christian and 3. Umm…Not planning on it? With each of the first 2 answers he responded with oh, we’re all Obama lovers here, and oh, we’re all atheists here. Concerting yes, but I still wanted the job and he hired my anyways, I was my non-confrontation self, I had a few meaningful conversations when my co-workers asked, and I made no attempts at hiding my beliefs but I was definitely passive about it.

Regardless, if I had thought about being more outspoken religiously or politically in social media or “creative” social situations, that was now squelched.

John 15:18-19 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

Why are you writing this blog

I feel like it’s all inside, bubbling out. I’m terrified to start debates, talking about it at work (unsked, unsolicited) seems odd, even though other people have no problem talking to each other. I’m terrified to blast over my facebook. It’s pretty heated dinner table conversation  By nature I’m anti-confrontational, I feel like I’m not smart enough, not researched enough, don’t know greek etc. etc. It’s intimidating to “get into” such polarizing arguments. Even though. I truly believe it all boils down to What does the Bible say.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

SO awesome, guess I don’t need a theology dress after all. Because I have the power of Christ dwelling in me. But this is the beginning, As I age I do hope to continue to grow spiritually, learn, research and find more of a “voice.” But right now, I’m feeling good about saying what I want to say in an anonymous way. So hear that world?! I have some convictions and I’m gonna talk er type about them.

“what gives you the right to speak”

Well, I do have the right of free speech. Although I recently watched a video in which a Pastor addresses diversity and communication and said (half in jest) there seems to be 2 tenants  1. Absolute commitment to free speech 2. shut up. This is something I have experienced personally.  An attitude of “if you agree with me, say something, if you don’t ‘shut up & stop imposing your beliefs'”, as if my words are going to drag someone down a path they don’t want to go.

As far as my background goes. I was raised Christian, which (also from my experience) seem to give me less klout. Sometimes it feels as though people are thinking I’m a brainwashed, sheltered nobody who “was raised” this way and therefore lost her ability to think for herself. Which is insulting, first of all, and not true. Show me an adult Christian that hasn’t thought through what it means to be one, regardless of upbringing. We live in a world that, let’s be honest, would be amazingly easier to roll with the norms. To not cause a rukus, to agree with the “universal” train of thought. It’s not easy being a Christian and if you think it is. I invite you to come try it. anytime.

I was raised Christian, non-denominational. Plain Christian. Once I got a little I began to gradually “come into my own” I guess, become more responsible for my own life and decisions. And now, I daily make that choice to continue. I wholeheartedly believe that everything the Bible says is true and that Jesus did in fact die for my sins, he made the ultimate sacrifice and he never promised that this life is easy. I won’t stop following him just because it’s hard. I will say that having a Christian family does lessen the dinner table debates somewhat, which I am grateful for.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”