Being Single (a married woman’s perspective) Part 1

This will probably go on record for the thing I’ve posted on that I have the least “right” to talk about. But I’ve read a few posts lately from “frustrated single woman, some I know, and some I don’t. And some of the points they raise seem a little odd… like “I don’t lack something. I don’t need to fix something in order to be worthy of a relationship.”

She was saying that in response to her previous thought pattern of “what’s wrong with me.” I may raise a point that (disclaimer: I don’t know her at all) if you gripe in real life about being single the way you seem to be bitter on your blog…that could be something worth fixing? Another single gal acquaintance of mine, had a mentality of wanting to get married, yet she was hostile when single guys didn’t want to be her friend and hang out all the time…Shocking? not really. If they don’t want to pursue you then, it’s really to risky to try to be “just friends” And from talking to the single guy friends I have…well they aren’t fans, it’s more than a little unattractive, the whole, woe is me…

Advice #1. Don’t be a negative Nancy

In marriage counseling I was told, that if you would describe yours spouse as a negative person, you need to seriously reconsider if you want to marry them. Strong words, but they rang true, and I’ve never forgotten them. When my husband calls me out on being negative it snaps me out of a funk most times. The last thing I want to be (whether portrayed or actually be) is negative. We have been given the greatest gift ever to be given, Jesus’ blood covers everything, so for us to actually be described as a negative person or have a negative demeanor… Not a good thing friends.

Negativity is insulting to our Lord and Savior and is unattractive. We’ve recently had two single women in our church move away. No huge explanation or to-do. both just announced they were moving, and left, each a few months apart. One of the problems is that they felt they didn’t have any connections or many friendships (or maybe it was lack of eligible bachelors, who knows.) But if it truly was about the lack of friendships, well. they could have called me? Both worked incredibly strange schedules and it was nearly impossible to know when/if they are free. Not to say I couldn’t have tried harder, I could have. But they never initiated anything…I dunno, I consider myself a very social person, but I’ve accepted that 7-8 times out of 10. I’ll be the one initiating, people are busy and if I want to hang out with someone (or anyone) I make it happen.

I know it can be challenging to step out of your comfort zone and initiate. But I just can’t have that much sympathy for people who continually whine about people not doing the very thing they themselves refuse to do. It was like the first thing we learned as kids “want a friend, be a friend.”

This post is getting a little long, I’m going to break it up. so ya. don’t be negative. Everything (singleness and all) is small potatoes compared to knowing God, it just it. If that isn’t enough to put in perspective well…God help us all. I have some practical tips coming too!

Why Christians care about gay Marriage

Or I guess the title could be why I, as a Christian, think other Christians care about gay marriage (still working on this what gives you the right to speak for Christians) From what I gather there are 3 schools of thought, some take a stand probably as a combination of these, possibly less “strongly” active in some or more areas.

1. God established marriage, so thus changing it into something which he didn’t establish as right (one man, one woman) is disrespectful to him and therefore should be opposed

2. The Bible preaches against Homosexuality and therefore Gay marriage (gay anything really) shouldn’t be allowed. Just stop doing what you are doing and become straight

3. Homosexual sex is a sin (along with fornication, adultery, lying etc.) once people establish themselves in that pattern of living, and make that their identity, they then, have either don’t think of it as sin (or just don’t care that) The “who I am offends you?!” gives them a distaste for Christianity and makes sharing the good news seem impossible. Even more so breaching the gulf and becoming a Christian.

Any guesses as to what school of thought I’m in? Yep the 3rd one (hence the long definition.) It’s a harder jump for anyone identifying as gay to recieve the gospel as whole when it condemns what and who they are and who they want to be. Either they reject the gospel as whole, or find a church that has translationized Homosexual sin to not be a sin (which I don’t agree with.) Here’s the issue, it’s all about identity don’t you see? It’s about receiving your identity in Christ and making that who you are. (Before you condemn me for being a hetrosexual married female preaching and not practicing, hear me out.) There are many “identities” I wear. Woman, creative, dog-lover, outdoorsy, frugal. I am many things but I am a follower of Christ first. If something I identified and labeled myself as, became a hinderance in obediance to God, I would cut it out. It’s not worth it.

Ok so my thoughts on the other 2 schools

1. Basically, marriage as it stands today isn’t really about God anymore. It’s become about tax breaks, descision making in times of trial or death and public commitment and/or a party. None of those things are bad, but back in the garden of Eden when God started marriage none of those things had any bearings, it was about unity. Plain and simple. So as long as Christian ministers and pastors aren’t being forced to perform marriage ceremonies for anyone with whom they don’t agree with. Then I don’t care who marries who. I don’t think God is more saddened by Gay marriage than he is by Kim Kardashian’s short (seemingly) sham of a marriage and her obvious fornicating ways.

2. I agree that Homosexual sex is a sin, however, I think that trying to stop gay marriage from being passed and trying to “scare straight” anyone who is gay is well, pointless. It’s a symptom of a greater problem. That greater problem is sin in this world as a result of us falling away from God’ plan for our lives. the symptoms are all over the place. in the media, in our broken relationships, everywhere. Focusing on this flambouyant sin in particular and seeming to ignore all others is like this

Matthew 7:2-4  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

We need to work on our own sins, all the while loving our neighbor, speaking the truth in love and really try to be a light to this world. All the heated debates against gay marriage make that difficult. It’s hard to put into concise words sometimes as well. It’s presented like, Either you love us/support us/ believe in everything we do/ have no qualms or problems whatsoever or you hate us and want us to die or be exiled. um what? Do I get a third option? Can’t I love you and pray that you find your identity in Christ and he show’s you his plan for life, shows you what this whole struggle with your sexuality is all about while disagreeing with you that being gay is a-ok and right? Can’t I say that God isn’t smiling down on it but loving you despite it?

ok </ rant>

Why Uncomfortable Christian?

“I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”

—–C.S. Lewis

Isn’t that quote great? And so true. So why is my name “Uncomfortable Christian”? I want to clarify a few things, I’m not “uncomfortable” around homosexuals in some sort of homophobic way, I’m not “uncomfortable” around people who have had abortions in a judgmental hateful way, I’m not “uncomfortable” around liberals because of their heathen ways (kidding, not all are heathens.) What I am uncomfortable around, is the blatant double standards, the huge angry confrontations, hypocrisy, people blame shifting and completely missing the point. People saying they want diversity but not extending that to Christians, wanting free speech but cutting out the Bible. And that feeling like you can’t talk about it without being labeled as hateful.

When did me disagreeing with you turn into hate?

Ah, uncomfortable subjects…but what are we missing?

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is a foundational principle af Christianity, probably the one set of verses almost the whole world can agree on. And yet it gets lost. Love gets lost in disagreements, people trying to “prove” or be “right” disagreements are read as Hate, Actual people get so outraged by certain sin they are hateful. What could possibly be further from the truth of What God said and the example Jesus set for us?

1 John 4:20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

Jesus goes even further to state in Matthew 5, comparing anger (and hatred) with murder. Christians being equated with hate, hurts me down to my core. I saw a bumper sticker ont he way to work toady that said “Hate is not afmily value.” It’s targeted against us a s Christians and that saddens me. The fact the the modern Christian church has ever portrayed anything but love saddens me. Because what it all comes down to is this: Have they accepted the love of  God and forgiveness of Jesus for their sins, have they repented, & confessed? Because it’s a yes or no answer. I do believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven and the only way to have real meaning here on earth. Debates on “inexcusable” sins or lifestyle choices really, are in one sense irrelevant. The atheist Gay man is not going to Hell “faster” than the atheist straight one. The woman who had an abortion (and proud of it, gosh darn it) is not on God’s blacklist anymore than I am for lying/coveting/stealing or disrespecting my parents.

James 2:10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

Perspective people, perspective. I had toyed with the idea of starting a blog like this on and off for awhile, but It wasn’t until I finally sat down and watched this series of 3 videos HERE. That I couldn’t get it out of my head, so this blog was born the next day. I really encourage you to watch them. I think Doug Wilson is a great speaker, makes some excellent points(whether or not you agree with them.) The first 2 videos are part 1 & part 2 of a lecture he did in a auditorium at Indiana University. The 3rd video (2 hours long!) is a Q&A session. Note: lots of interruption/heckling/cussing etc.

Next post will be my review on the series

Why are you writing this blog

I feel like it’s all inside, bubbling out. I’m terrified to start debates, talking about it at work (unsked, unsolicited) seems odd, even though other people have no problem talking to each other. I’m terrified to blast over my facebook. It’s pretty heated dinner table conversation  By nature I’m anti-confrontational, I feel like I’m not smart enough, not researched enough, don’t know greek etc. etc. It’s intimidating to “get into” such polarizing arguments. Even though. I truly believe it all boils down to What does the Bible say.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

SO awesome, guess I don’t need a theology dress after all. Because I have the power of Christ dwelling in me. But this is the beginning, As I age I do hope to continue to grow spiritually, learn, research and find more of a “voice.” But right now, I’m feeling good about saying what I want to say in an anonymous way. So hear that world?! I have some convictions and I’m gonna talk er type about them.

“what gives you the right to speak”

Well, I do have the right of free speech. Although I recently watched a video in which a Pastor addresses diversity and communication and said (half in jest) there seems to be 2 tenants  1. Absolute commitment to free speech 2. shut up. This is something I have experienced personally.  An attitude of “if you agree with me, say something, if you don’t ‘shut up & stop imposing your beliefs'”, as if my words are going to drag someone down a path they don’t want to go.

As far as my background goes. I was raised Christian, which (also from my experience) seem to give me less klout. Sometimes it feels as though people are thinking I’m a brainwashed, sheltered nobody who “was raised” this way and therefore lost her ability to think for herself. Which is insulting, first of all, and not true. Show me an adult Christian that hasn’t thought through what it means to be one, regardless of upbringing. We live in a world that, let’s be honest, would be amazingly easier to roll with the norms. To not cause a rukus, to agree with the “universal” train of thought. It’s not easy being a Christian and if you think it is. I invite you to come try it. anytime.

I was raised Christian, non-denominational. Plain Christian. Once I got a little I began to gradually “come into my own” I guess, become more responsible for my own life and decisions. And now, I daily make that choice to continue. I wholeheartedly believe that everything the Bible says is true and that Jesus did in fact die for my sins, he made the ultimate sacrifice and he never promised that this life is easy. I won’t stop following him just because it’s hard. I will say that having a Christian family does lessen the dinner table debates somewhat, which I am grateful for.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”