Being Single (a married woman’s perspective) Part 2

My advice to single ladies part 2

Advice #2. Work on your confidence & health, (real talk) helping your appearance isn’t a bad thing…

Most of the posts I’ve read from these christian singles deal a lot with self-worth and self confidence. I certainly have my fair share of body issues, we all do. But (ok, here’s where the lynching mob comes) I can truthfully say, that if I was single…there’s no way I wouldn’t be working on getting my body to it’s best possible shape, (I’m currently working on that now, anyways). For starters, if you do get married, you want to look good. And there’s just no going around how visual, humans are, call it superficial if you will but, 10 years ago (many pounds ago for both of us) I don’t know that the initial attraction would have been there if my hubs or myself was 50 lbs heavier. That first “impression” if you will. Attraction is a big deal. It just is. Don’t you want to present yourself in the best way possible? I know we all have things we can’t change (save for plastic surgery) but losing weight is attainable for most people…and I’m sure plenty of woman can testify that being active, eating clean and yes, losing weight does wonders for your confidence. And confidence, is extremely sexy. And (real moment) you are going to have sex with this person…so therefore if there is something you can do to make a larger group of people find you physically attractive…is that a bad thing? ok moving on.

Advice #3. Every battle is unique, single or married

It goes back to the whole, be careful what you wish for… I would rather be unmarried than in a forced relationship, one where you don’t really jive and it’s just harder than it needs to be. Marriage is hard, being single is hard, being a mother is hard, difficulty getting pregnant..it’s hard too and the path I’m walking now. We each walk through different struggles and different battles, so please don’t “hate” on those whom you feel are living the life you deserve.

Also, semi related side note, I don’t believe there only one soulmate for every person, I really don’t. I think that we are each on a journey, the decisions we make and paths we take, shape who we are as people. I think that on every fork in the road, there are people that would be perfect for you, but fast forward a year or 2, that may not be the case, in cases of purity, that can be especially true. That sounds like a case for divorce I see, but here’s where it changes. As a single, one other person’s feelings aren’t our top priority, it’s just Us and God. Once you are married, well, you have to care what they think! I think I am a different person (personality and all) because I am married. I also think I would be a different person and be in a different place, had I married someone else. When I first met my now, husband, he wasn’t saved. If he had remained stubborn and didn’t accept Christ, there’s no way we would be married now. So as seasons weather and change you, you grow, but when you value the other person as equal, nay, above yourself, well, you grow towards them…if that makes sense? I think this ties into the whole every battle is unique because well, maybe the person you think you want to marry isn’t ultimately who you will. Maybe a few more life decisions have to present themselves before you are at that place. Maybe, there is someone who would be perfect for you but something has to change before the physical attraction is there. Or maybe these two points have not as much to do with each other as they do in my head!

So there is my sisterly “straight talk” I’d tell my sister if she were wanting to get married.

Peace

Being Single (a married woman’s perspective) Part 1

This will probably go on record for the thing I’ve posted on that I have the least “right” to talk about. But I’ve read a few posts lately from “frustrated single woman, some I know, and some I don’t. And some of the points they raise seem a little odd… like “I don’t lack something. I don’t need to fix something in order to be worthy of a relationship.”

She was saying that in response to her previous thought pattern of “what’s wrong with me.” I may raise a point that (disclaimer: I don’t know her at all) if you gripe in real life about being single the way you seem to be bitter on your blog…that could be something worth fixing? Another single gal acquaintance of mine, had a mentality of wanting to get married, yet she was hostile when single guys didn’t want to be her friend and hang out all the time…Shocking? not really. If they don’t want to pursue you then, it’s really to risky to try to be “just friends” And from talking to the single guy friends I have…well they aren’t fans, it’s more than a little unattractive, the whole, woe is me…

Advice #1. Don’t be a negative Nancy

In marriage counseling I was told, that if you would describe yours spouse as a negative person, you need to seriously reconsider if you want to marry them. Strong words, but they rang true, and I’ve never forgotten them. When my husband calls me out on being negative it snaps me out of a funk most times. The last thing I want to be (whether portrayed or actually be) is negative. We have been given the greatest gift ever to be given, Jesus’ blood covers everything, so for us to actually be described as a negative person or have a negative demeanor… Not a good thing friends.

Negativity is insulting to our Lord and Savior and is unattractive. We’ve recently had two single women in our church move away. No huge explanation or to-do. both just announced they were moving, and left, each a few months apart. One of the problems is that they felt they didn’t have any connections or many friendships (or maybe it was lack of eligible bachelors, who knows.) But if it truly was about the lack of friendships, well. they could have called me? Both worked incredibly strange schedules and it was nearly impossible to know when/if they are free. Not to say I couldn’t have tried harder, I could have. But they never initiated anything…I dunno, I consider myself a very social person, but I’ve accepted that 7-8 times out of 10. I’ll be the one initiating, people are busy and if I want to hang out with someone (or anyone) I make it happen.

I know it can be challenging to step out of your comfort zone and initiate. But I just can’t have that much sympathy for people who continually whine about people not doing the very thing they themselves refuse to do. It was like the first thing we learned as kids “want a friend, be a friend.”

This post is getting a little long, I’m going to break it up. so ya. don’t be negative. Everything (singleness and all) is small potatoes compared to knowing God, it just it. If that isn’t enough to put in perspective well…God help us all. I have some practical tips coming too!